I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar


I check the stats on my website from time and time and I’ve noticed an interesting trend. There is a common set of search terms that is driving people to my site: “my husband is my life.” If you’re familiar with my site you might be perplexed, because I certainly don’t write about submissive women nor do I make any mention of my husband except in an occasional blog post. (The irony that I’m a Romance writer but don’t write about marriage isn’t lost on me.) But therein lies the answer. I once wrote a piece titled “Almost Losing My Husband Helped Me Find a Piece of Myself” after he had a medical scare, which is the linkage to my site. The spirit of the post was more carpe diem, encouraging people to take action and follow their passions because life is short. I’m not sure what these women were expecting to find, but my guess is that it certainly was not my website or that sort of message. And frankly it irks me to be attached to this set of search terms. There’s a sort of 1950s housewife sentiment to it.

Haven’t we spent decades trying to be seen as equals? There’s a female empowerment movement with things like “Leaning In,” Pantene’s “Sorry, Not Sorry,” and Always “Like a Girl” taking center stage. (I will disclose that I work on P&G but not on either of these campaigns.) I like the message of not apologizing for who we are and for being confident, fearless women. These campaigns resonate with me because the underlying message is to embrace your full potential, not shy away from it. I think it’s very important that we instill these lessons in our children, our daughters in particular. I want my daughter to follow her dreams and never second-guess that she can make them a reality. I want her to be self-sufficient and rely on someone not because she has to, but because she wants to. Nothing would make me happier than if she found someone to share her life with. But I don’t want that person to BE HER LIFE. There’s a difference.

So to the women searching “my husband is my life” who may stumble upon this post, I hope that you too will embrace your full potential and see yourself as more than just a wife. I take no issue with making your husband’s needs a priority or putting family first. As a wife and mother I’m constantly putting everyone’s needs ahead of my own, but I’d like to think that my life is filled with a balance of many things. So I guess my point is that I’d rather someone search for “my husband is my partner in life,” because that’s how I see marriage: a partnership of two EQUALS making a life together.

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